Christmas in the Cube

Although we are all intelligent adults and have the best of intentions, we lose our selves sometimes. We are so consumed with to-do lists and deadlines in December that it can be easy to get wrapped up in the emotion and act a little silly in the office during the Holiday Season.

Listed below are a few reminders for us all for this festive time of the year.

#1- Please continue to use your office supplies for what they are intended for. What they are NOT intended for: the papershedder is NOT intended to make tinsel out of aluminum foil, the whole puncher is NOT intended to make holiday confetti, and your scissors and copy paper are NOT intended for paper snowflakes.

#2- Just because you know the tune for Jingle Bells and you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you can recreate it on your office phone doesn't mean you should. Under any circumstances.

#3- Eating and appreciating baked goods, made with love, by your co-workers = good thing. Eating enough rum balls to get a buzz going at work = not a good thing.

#4- If a Christmas song is playing on your radio, it is not ok to point at your single, and in your opinion "loosey-goosey" co-worker, every time the caroler sings "Ho ho ho!" They will not appreciate it and you may get fruitcake shoved down your throat (which to many is more offensive then name calling).

#5- If the boss asks you to do something you don't like to do, please do not respond with "Bah Humbug!" Using holiday phrases to respond to your bosses requests is not a good idea. Remember this when you are questioned about that memo that you have seen 12 times since last Tuesday and in your frustration you are dying to respond "You know where you can send that memo??? How about over the river and through the woods, Biatch!" Smiling right afterwards doesn't seem to ease the blow either. Just. Don't. Do. It.

#6- Although Eggnog is a festive holiday drink, requesting that the water fountain lines and the water cooler tank be changed out to serve said drink is silly and your bosses may think you have lost it.

And finally...

#7- A Christmas bonus is great! Figuring out how you want to spend it is fun! Saying Thank You to your boss for their generous gift is nice and important! Hinting at how much you want for a bonus by wearing a boom box around your neck, blasting music, and you singing "Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll" is not a good idea.

Although this list is brief, you get the jist. Enjoy the holidays, but enjoy them just enough to ensure that you will still have your job the next day.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It has to be a good day if it rhymes with a word that has "fun" in it.

Dear Monday,

I feel bad for you. You get a bad rep as being a horrible day. I know, I too am guilty of cursing you and being upset that you are here, but it isn't your fault that you landed on the first day of my work week.

To show you that I am sorry I have compiled a short list of things that are GREAT about Mondays. Please accept my sincerest apologies for the past moments of dissatisfaction with you and accept this list as my peace offering.

Things that are great about Monday:
1. It is easy to spell. Unlike it's friend, Wednesday, with it's crazy un-pronounced letters. (For those of you out there who DO pronounce the N in Wednesday, please stop. That is really annoying.)
2. It follows our weekly holiday, THE WEEKEND!!!!, and promises to be filled with "What-was-I-thinking" stories and digital cameras filled with fun memories.
3. It brings the guarantee of coffee into our lives. A Monday morning without coffee is like a dog and cat making a baby... its just un-natural.
4. It is always PACKED with work and tasks that need to be accomplished,which makes the day go by faster. It also helps you to plan the rest of your week, knowing what still needs to be accomplished.
5. For a few short months of the year the phrase "Are you ready for some football?" resonates through homes nation wide on this special day.
6. There are multiple holidays that are celebrated on Mondays: Labor Day, Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Day, and Columbus day, just to name a few.
7. The Bangles sang a song about Mondays. So did Fleetwood Mac and The Mamas and the Papas.
8. Monkey Monday Sushi Specail at the Funky Monkey on Mills in Orlando. Half price sushi from 5 pm to 11 pm.
9. It is a great day to go out for dinner. Statistically they are the slowest days in the restaurant business.... which means no waiting for the best table in the house.
10. Monday rhymes with fun-day. It has to be a good day if it rhymes with a word, made up or not, that has "fun" in it.

So to conclude, Monday, thank you for always putting up with our bad attitudes and sleepy eyes. I can't promise that we will never be mad at you again or say "I hate Mondays!" again, but use this list for those times that you don't feel appreciated and know that you are loved.

Sincerely,
The World

I bet this hasn't happend in your cubicle, but would it if you had a door?

* Reader Alert* If you are weirded out by breasts for utility purposes, breast feeding, breast pumps or breast milk, this post is not for you. If said things don't bother you, please read on... I need someone to commiserate with me on the uncomfortableness of this situation.

So what is a Medela Pump? It is a breast pump for pumping milk when you are nursing after you have a baby.

For those that know me, they may wonder how I know anything about this item since I don't have children. Just because I am a woman and have a set of breasts doesn't mean that you know everything about babies, baby paraphernalia, baby bottles, breast milk, breast pumps, or the like (contrary to what most men think).

I got an education today.

Delete, delete, delete.

I got an unexpected education today.

Delete, delete, delete.

I got an unexpected and peculiar education today.

When I got to work today, I saw a funny shaped canvas bag in my office. I looked it over, wondering if there was something I forgot, maybe a meeting with someone that I was late for so they had set their stuff in my office until I arrived. Lucky for me my DUH moment of the day was quickly followed by an OH YEAH, NOW I REMEMBER moment. One of our hygienists was back to work today after her maternity leave. You will soon find out why that is of importance.

She had come to the office yesterday to show off her cute little baby and at the end of the visit, when the little bundle of joy became not so joyful, she asked if she could use my office and feed her. I was happy to oblige and chatted with her during the process. As a woman, there isn't really anything on her that I hadn't seen before, so the happenings in my office at that moment weren't foreign or weird to me. We said our good-byes and on the way out she mentioned that she may need somewhere to pump while at work. I recommended the restroom, realizing that it isn't the most comfortable option but couldn't think of any other place available (not because I want her to be uncomfortable, but simply because I have NEVER had to think of a things like that).

Fast forward to this morning. The canvas bag in my office was an instant reminder of the favor she had asked yesterday as she was leaving... "May I pump in your office?"

As the morning went on I had forgotten that she was going to be visiting the office, but when she sat down in one of my meeting chairs and shut and locked the door I knew it was time. We chatted for a minute while she was putting together the electric contraption with tubs, bottles, and cone shaped apperati attached to the top of the bottles, and before I knew it she was pumping.

I didn't have any warning.

A simple "I am about to pump, and if you would like to leave I won't be offended" would have been nice, but I got nothing.

I have been around women as they breast fed, and it didn't bother me at all. I think the sound, the look, and the idea of a machine doing what a child would usually do rushed me to the thoughts of a cow being milked by a machine (not comparing my co-worker to a cow BY ANY MEANS!) The pump made her more utilitarian than anyone could ever imagine a woman after giving birth. I felt, at that moment, like an adolecent boy that just saw boobs for the first time on an informational sex-ed video, and wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't a situation that one would EVER be turned on by, but like that boy in that sex-ed class I found myself wondering if I should look at her when we talked, should I focus on looking at her eyes, was she self-concious for me looking at her?

What a strange situation to be in.

The "session" lasted for 8 minutes or so (while I instant messaged my husband on the DL to discuss the pumping action taking place in my office with a few responses from him like what? and you weirded out?). After she was done she put the machine away, took the milk to the fridge to save for her daughter, and went on to lunch.

I sat in my office for a few minutes, not making any kind of noise... reflecting on the events that had just unfolded and thought How would I do that differently next time? Can I politely excuse myself tomorrow, or will it seem like I am bothered by her using my office? Will I totally offend her if I walk out tomorrow as she is walking in? Do I stay and risk her being uncomfortable, but feeling bad about asking me to leave my own office?

"That was a lot of milk she made, huh?" was the question posed to me from the girl at the front desk, that broke my train of thought and the silence in my office. I replied "Ya know, I have no idea... is it?" Her quick answer of "yes" was enough to satisfy me... no discussion needed.

Please.

Would you wear this to work?

At Sunny Cubicle they do....

The humming chair

I used to work for a national retailer that didn't play music in the stores. At first I didn't like it... it was TOO quiet. On occasion I would catch myself humming the last song that was playing in the car before I got out. Oh, and sometimes I would talk to myself about whatever task I was working on... yeah, not a fun experience to see a customer or co-worker looking at you because they think you are crazy. Eventually, though, I learned to appreciate the silence.

Now I work for a health care provider. We are a typical office, with the sounds of easy listening music coming out of every ceiling speaker (one in each operatory, 9 all together, and 3 in the waiting room/front desk work area). At any given moment I could hear the jazzy sounds of Chicago, the inspirational sounds of Journey encouraging us to "Don't Stop Believin'", and a little Celine Dion and Phil Collins rounding out the mix. Even as we type I hear Rick Astley,with the deepest voice of a tall red head ever heard proclaiming his commitment to some lucky lady with "Together Forever."

I have to admit, I often find myself singing along to this station. As I walk through the office I hear my fellow co-workers singing along to the songs. I even hear patients on occasion humming along to the song while they wait for the doctor to enter the room. With all that said, I have a co-worker that LOVES this station. There is not a song that goes by that she doesn't hum at least one bar to. She is incessant. There is no stopping her. Even when we switch the channel to the 70's or 80's music and there are songs that she says she doesn't know she hums to them too... not well, but still she hums. After months and months of hearing her hum to EVERY song I mentioned to her that she hums a lot and her response was "Really? I hadn't noticed."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! Are you totally oblivious to it?!?!?! Frankly, I find it hard to believe.

She is very nice, so instead of hurting her feelings we let her continue to hum. There are two hours of peace each day, when she goes to lunch and when she leaves and I have an hour of work left, but other than that you can close your eyes and know that she is in the office just by the sound of her humming. When she does leave, I come out of my office and claim her seat to help finish closing the office and checking-out the final patients. I sit, sign into the computer, and miraculously something crazy happens... I START HUMMING. I catch myself and wonder why all of a sudden I can't control myself. This happens everyday at 4:30. She leaves and I take over. After looking at the situation, another co-worker and I have established that it is THE CHAIR. It must be cursed or at least hexxed. Maybe that's why she never noticed her own humming... spooky, huh? Anyway, it happens the same everyday and probably will until who knows when. Final thought: be careful where you sit... you never know how it will effect you.

Is it dark outside?

Here is another one from Mama's Boy:

I set up a candidate in Florida for an interview in Texas. I arranged the travel for the interview and everything was all set. I received a call at about 3:30pm on the day before her interview was taking place. She called to tell me that her flight had been delayed a little over 1 hour and she thought it might be a good idea if she cancelled the interview and rescheduled it for another time. I was caught off guard and told her that there shouldn't be any problems, because she would still arrive at the hotel the night before and would have plenty of time to rest up before the interview in the morning. I then find out that the reason she wanted to cancel is, because her flight would be landing after the sun goes down and she has never driven a car in the dark before so she was afraid to drive from the hotel to the airport. 

I could not believe that a college graduate in the year 2008 has never driven after dusk. After about 10 minutes of speaking to her I made her realize that everything would be fine. Low and behold everything worked out fine and she arrived safely to her hotel. 

I get a call the next morning about 30 minutes before her interview is supposed to start and come to find out that her rental car has broken down and she is stranded on the side of the road in Texas. She is freaking out and has no clue what to do. I get her in contact with a taxi company and she takes the $50 cab ride to the interview. She then is afraid to use the replacement rental car and takes another cab ride later that day for $90 to the hotel, lunch, and back to the airport.

"Going to the Loo"

Everyone has their idiosyncrasies and habits when they do something. Well my co worker Milton is no different. Milton is an odd guy. Gives everyone a nickname and if there was someone you would want to see what they do at home and watch them as a reality show- it would be him.

The oddest thing about Milton is that when he goes to the loo. He brings a little radio, can of spray with him.  As soon as he walks in he starts to spray and then walks into the large handicapped stall. Where he turns on the radio and then proceeds to take his shoes off (usually boots) and then his pants come off.  Once he is on the loo some singing may occur or some words of encouragement to himself on getting the job done may happen.   If there is no spray, he will use his cologne to try and coat the room and then do it again once he is done.

I am not sure if the oddest part is the music and occasional speaking or the fact that he takes his shoes and pants completely off.  Either way glad to see Milton feels at home in the stall!

So Long; Farewell

When a member of our team leave the company or transfers to somewhere else in the company. Our fearless leader has all sit around our conference room table and pay our respects to the person leaving. It becomes a Eulogy/Wake when someone passes away. Some people cry and some don't know how to handle it and are uncomfortable. You will hear comments like: "you are a good hard worker and you will be missed"; "I will miss you"; "It was nice knowing you"; "Best of luck to you and hope to cross paths again"; I think its great that we say good bye to the person in an open forum together and acknowledge it, but to go around the room and have each person say something is a little much.

Planes, trains, and automobiles

Got this from my cubemate; Mama's Boy

I had a candidate who lives in Virginia who was set up for an interview in Pennsylvania. When it was time to fly out for the interview the weather was not cooperating. He flew from Virginia to North Carolina, but his connecting flight from North Carolina to Pennsylvania was cancelled. He decided to take a taxi to the nearest train station. From there he jumped on a train and traveled through the night to Pennsylvania. When he arrived in Pennsylvania he rented a car and drove to where the interview was taking place. He stated that he would have done anything to make the interview, because he was really looking forward to working on that program. Long story short he made the interview on time after taking every form of transportation possible. I extended the offer to him and 4 days later he DECLINED it.

Twitching eye

Usually when I get stressed.  The first sign of stress for me is that my eye lid starts to twitch.  It will start twitching and people will start to notice it, not to mention it is super annoying and just won't stop.  Its like a little kid jumping up and down saying pick me! pick me!  And you are like NO- just shut up and stay in your seat!

How do you know if you are getting stressed @ work?

The vicious work cycle

The Vicious work cycle sucks!  You know he cycle... you go to work early and then stay late to then drive home.  At home you shower, eat and try and watch a little TV.  Next thing you know it is already 10 o'clock. You don't want to go to bed since you were barely in your house and want to unwind. So you stay up later. Even though you still have to wake up early to do it all over again tomorrow. What an evil cycle this is.  At the end the work will still be there.

.

Who's Who?

Ever notice working in a large company people have names that they go by, but when you try to look them up to email them or call them they are not in the system under that name but under there real name.  Like someone may be called Barbara but in the system her 1st name is Johanna with a Middle name showing up as B.  How am I suppose to know that?!?!  If you are going to go by that name why not make Barbara the name that is displaced and then when you look at the person's profile there full name would be displayed.  You almost need a cheat sheet to know that: Jim goes by Rusty and David goes by Lenny.  Who's on 1st and what's on 2nd.

Ever feels this way....

I saw this one night.  I wish it was @ the Mifflintech Enterprises parking plaza, still funny.  

Email down for 5 hours???

Ok so just needed to vent a little. So working for a company with over 100K employees you would think that we would not have situations where a majority of the corporations email does not go down for over 5 hours.

Yes 5 hours and we are a technology company ( Mifflintech Enterprises). What a waste of the day. Just hoping for an email to come or go out for that matter. At first I thought it was a slow day and then I realized- I am not even getting the spam emails that some how come in. On how I can get a larger penis or act now and buy some medication!

Totally shocks me.

Will You Publish Me??

So, I have this candidate that is in love with himself...let's call him Chris McAnnoying. I talk to him more than most of the other candidates I deal with combined. Finally after LOTS of talks and advice he has accepted the position. Now, he has a whole new set of questions. How does relocation work? What areas of town are best? Will I get a sign-on (asked that one after accepting)? How do I give my two weeks to my current employer? Will you talk to my wife about finding an OB/GYN (not making this up folks)? And my favorite I received today... Does your company publish new hires in the local business journal? I can send a bio and pic... Are you kidding me? Talk about loving yourself.

Dark Knight PSA: Sexual Harrassment

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Office Life

Look like your office?

Funny it doesn't matter if you work at Mifflintech Enterprises or Intel- it all looks the same.

LEAVE A MESSAGE!!!

You got to love the people that call you and hang up and don't leave a voicemail message for you.  Those same people will then tell you - "I called you but you were never there or you never called me back"-  How am I suppose to know you called- you never let me know you called- Leave a message!!   

"They watch us"...

I had a guy I was hiring that told me his work and home email address were monitored and his phone was recorded at work. He told me "they are like big brother and watch us". His company paid for the internet and installed some sort of tracking to the home Outlook email since they paid for it.  Talk about living in fear.  His wife would call me to discuss things and she was the middle person during the whole hiring process. He used a web based email address to get his information.  The poor guy lived in fear and was beat down from it- they were just miserable- needless to say they accepted the job on the spot and could not wait to start.

Email rant

Hi this is Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. I have been quiet up to this point, but something has really annoyed me lately. I transferred within my company performing and now in addition to selling high end, but affordable appliances, I was now involved HR/staffing duties for our small operation in Scranton, PA. What I wasn't informed of during the interview process was that my new co-workers email each other about each and every little thing they do. Most of my team members work remotely and I am actually the only one on my team that works in my office, but we're all on a distribution list. Email communication is great and all, but when you start emailing people to tell them you're on a particular website, taking a 5 min break, you just signed online, it gets a bit old when you have several people on the team. The worst of all is when a position has been filled. You'd think that the lead won the lottery! An email comes across through the list from the lead saying...."position 12345 is filled by candidate xyz." Next thing I know I've got 30 emails from different people all saying essentially the same thing...."You go girl!" "When you're hot, you're hot" "Awesome, great job!" "You guys rock, I love working on this team" and the best/worst of all that I've seen is "Whoop, there it is" I don't have a problem with recognition, but c'mon, send them to the person directly instead of flooding our inboxes with the same. I have better things to do than have to hit the delete key 8000 times because we filled a position. That's our job, it's not that big a deal since it happens everyday.

Will I have emails tomorrow saying "Great job, you showed up to work today, you rock!"? Perhaps.

Allergic to work

I sneeze more in my cubicle then anywhere else.  I sneeze everyday at least once.  We use to keep track of our sneezes- since it was such a high amount- I went 35 sneezes in a month- I should go to the doctor- I think I'm allergic to work. That or my cube is dusty and gross.  It could be a mix of both. 

Nothing like having meeting for meetings

This is....

When you talk to so many people it reaches a point that you have no idea who is who and it becomes a total guessing game when you get voice mail messages like:

" Hey this is Mike, you called me about a job give me a call on my cell, thanks" 

Really?!? - you can't provide me with at least a last name or number; Something!  Then you get upset that I did not call you back.  That is when I say to them- I am sorry I speak to so many people it is hard to know who you are since I just left me a 1st name.

Take me off your List!

Got this from Haywood:

So for the last 6 months I’ve faithfully been getting a telemarketing call to my work phone. Every time I get the call, it’s Joe or Kelly, but with an Indian or Pakistani accent. Would you like to reduce your debt? Would you like a free Direct TV system? Would you like to refinance your loan? Every time I get the call, I let them know to please remove me from their marketing list. Well guess what? They don’t. I’m fed up with it now. The next call I get from Indian Joe is going to go a little something like this:

“Listen Joe, I’ve told you people a million times that I don’t want to reduce my debt, I don’t want a Direct TV system and I don’t even have a loan so why would I refinance. Every time you call, I tell you to remove me from your marketing list, but yet it doesn’t stop. So listen to me carefully Joe. Remove me from your list, or next time I receive a call I’m going to fly to India or Pakistan and punch you right in the dot on your forehead.”

Hopefully this works, otherwise it will be an expensive flight.

Haywood out!!!

Happy Independence Day!

Prison vs. Work

IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.

Written By: Sujan Pate

How are they my boss?

Working in a large company like Mifflintech Enterprises we seem to have more Managers, Directors and VP then are really needed. There are some manager that are great and are very deserving of their position. However sometimes I think- How the heck did they get there job? How are they running a department? How are they making the money they are making. They cannot even run a meeting, yet alone make a decision.

Working in HR- people are always countering there offers.  It is typical to counter your offer- however when you counter- you usually ask for more then what you really want, so when they give you less you are actually getting that you wanted or more. With that in mind- You would think if you are going to counter an offer would it be for just $1,000.00 more?  I had a candidate being offered $73k and he emailed me asking for $74k instead.  That is a 0.48 cent an hour increase.  I can understand if that is for an hourly position.  But when you are an engineer and you are countering - don't you think you at least try to ask for $75k and if you get it great and if they at least give you $74k its what you wanted.  It cost us more then $0.48 cents between emails and phone calls just to increase it that much.  Made me laugh since it was the quickest response back from a manager on counter ever- I sent it and I got a "Do it!" a minute later.

A case of the creepies....

We all catch a case of the creepies every once in a while. It can happen when someone hugs you a little too tight or too long or just too awkwardly. It can happen when you listen to some of Joe Simpson's comments on his daughters. Well it happened to me at work. I was 7-months preggers at the time. I met this shady potential employee to discuss salary, other job offers, etc...the norm for Sunny Cubicle. He proceeded to ask me repeated questions about the "Single-scene" in the area. Those single-scene questions were sprinkled with comments like "ya know, I know you don't go out clubbing right now with the baby and all but where could I meet some girls, hot girls." He then questioned me on how many women our company employed vs men? Because..."I need something to look at in the office to get me through the day. I mean, I know you're pregnant and all but you've got nice legs, I could look at those.." Can I get a Y-U-C-K? Definitely a case of the creepies!

"It will be pretty slow"

I love whenever you tell someone or someone tells you that you are going to back up while they are out- "Hey I won't have anything for you to worry about" and then Murphy's Law hits! 

The oddest things will occur during your watch or just then an onslaught of crap begins to hit you that makes it harder for you to get your own work taken care of.  Oh the life of backing someone up.  It happens way to many times.  You just never know what will happen when you are backing someone up. 

Good luck and remember don't say "It should be pretty slow" to that person backing you up.

Organizational Charts

Working at Mifflintech Enterprises- we have org charts for every department.  Heck I am surprised we do not have an Org chart for our own cubicle-  telling the items in our cube where they stand. Phone you are above the stapler.  Of course Org charts are great - it lets you know who you report to and and provides a chain of command.  It is also great if you are the one looking down in the Org Chart.  However if you are the person at the bottom and you are the one looking up - it doesn't mean much. 

 

I think the Totem Pole was the 1st org chart, except it was displayed as a statue for all to see instead of in a shared drive on your computer network.

 

The Great Office War!

The Great Office War
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The 3:45 call on a Friday

There is something in the air that happens @ 3:45pm on a working Friday.  Something odd always happens before the end of the day.  Just when you are trying to wrap things up- you get a call of something that needs to be handled at that very moment.  It could be anything from scheduling someone for an interview last minute; getting an offer out to a candidate to a guy threatening to quit if his internet was not turned on in his temporary housing or the rare Mortgage lenders needing certain information you have nothing to do with for a candidate or they would not be approved for a home loan.  These are the type of things that only occur on a Friday afternoon right before the weekend. No wonder so many people need a drink by weeks end!

Happy Friday the 13th!!

Yahoo has an article about some Dutch statisticians have established that Friday 13th, a date regarded in many countries as inauspicious, is actually safer than an average Friday.  Granted if you are working today then you not lucky!

Either way its Friday!!!!

Here's one...

From Haywood:

So I finally get a vacation and decide to head out of the country for a while.  The trip is amazing, better than I could have ever hoped for.  On the way back in the US , I noticed something quite interesting in the US Customs office as I proceeded to my connecting flight.  There was a picture of a parrot on the wall with the comment in quotes “Please don’t smuggle me, I may be sick”.  I understand the whole bird flu scare, but come on, who is going to really be stupid enough to smuggle a parrot on an international flight.  And how would you even complete this craziness.  Do you stuff the bird in your checked baggage?  We all know that checked baggage gets tossed around, stacked and many times crushed.  That’s a sure fire way to end up with bird guts all over your underwear.  Do you bring the bird in your carry on luggage?  Yeah, like no one’s going to notice that your luggage is talking.  The funniest thing about it, is that if they actually had to post that sign, there was actually someone dumb enough to try it.  The sad part about it, is that it was probably the person sitting in the cube next to you.  Maybe the bird told them to do it.

 

Haywood out

Required skill: Mind reader

I did not know that in my job description- mind reader was one of the skills required.  I cannot do something unless you tell me certain important things like when, where and who?  Funny if I could mind read I might not be doing this job.  So how am I suppose to know what you want if you cannot tell me....