Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Listed below are a few reminders for us all for this festive time of the year.
#1- Please continue to use your office supplies for what they are intended for. What they are NOT intended for: the papershedder is NOT intended to make tinsel out of aluminum foil, the whole puncher is NOT intended to make holiday confetti, and your scissors and copy paper are NOT intended for paper snowflakes.
#2- Just because you know the tune for Jingle Bells and you are ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE you can recreate it on your office phone doesn't mean you should. Under any circumstances.
#3- Eating and appreciating baked goods, made with love, by your co-workers = good thing. Eating enough rum balls to get a buzz going at work = not a good thing.
#4- If a Christmas song is playing on your radio, it is not ok to point at your single, and in your opinion "loosey-goosey" co-worker, every time the caroler sings "Ho ho ho!" They will not appreciate it and you may get fruitcake shoved down your throat (which to many is more offensive then name calling).
#5- If the boss asks you to do something you don't like to do, please do not respond with "Bah Humbug!" Using holiday phrases to respond to your bosses requests is not a good idea. Remember this when you are questioned about that memo that you have seen 12 times since last Tuesday and in your frustration you are dying to respond "You know where you can send that memo??? How about over the river and through the woods, Biatch!" Smiling right afterwards doesn't seem to ease the blow either. Just. Don't. Do. It.
#6- Although Eggnog is a festive holiday drink, requesting that the water fountain lines and the water cooler tank be changed out to serve said drink is silly and your bosses may think you have lost it.
#7- A Christmas bonus is great! Figuring out how you want to spend it is fun! Saying Thank You to your boss for their generous gift is nice and important! Hinting at how much you want for a bonus by wearing a boom box around your neck, blasting music, and you singing "Dolla Dolla Bills Ya'll" is not a good idea.
Although this list is brief, you get the jist. Enjoy the holidays, but enjoy them just enough to ensure that you will still have your job the next day.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I feel bad for you. You get a bad rep as being a horrible day. I know, I too am guilty of cursing you and being upset that you are here, but it isn't your fault that you landed on the first day of my work week.
To show you that I am sorry I have compiled a short list of things that are GREAT about Mondays. Please accept my sincerest apologies for the past moments of dissatisfaction with you and accept this list as my peace offering.
Things that are great about Monday:
1. It is easy to spell. Unlike it's friend, Wednesday, with it's crazy un-pronounced letters. (For those of you out there who DO pronounce the N in Wednesday, please stop. That is really annoying.)
2. It follows our weekly holiday, THE WEEKEND!!!!, and promises to be filled with "What-was-I-thinking" stories and digital cameras filled with fun memories.
3. It brings the guarantee of coffee into our lives. A Monday morning without coffee is like a dog and cat making a baby... its just un-natural.
4. It is always PACKED with work and tasks that need to be accomplished,which makes the day go by faster. It also helps you to plan the rest of your week, knowing what still needs to be accomplished.
5. For a few short months of the year the phrase "Are you ready for some football?" resonates through homes nation wide on this special day.
6. There are multiple holidays that are celebrated on Mondays: Labor Day, Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Day, and Columbus day, just to name a few.
7. The Bangles sang a song about Mondays. So did Fleetwood Mac and The Mamas and the Papas.
8. Monkey Monday Sushi Specail at the Funky Monkey on Mills in Orlando. Half price sushi from 5 pm to 11 pm.
9. It is a great day to go out for dinner. Statistically they are the slowest days in the restaurant business.... which means no waiting for the best table in the house.
10. Monday rhymes with fun-day. It has to be a good day if it rhymes with a word, made up or not, that has "fun" in it.
So to conclude, Monday, thank you for always putting up with our bad attitudes and sleepy eyes. I can't promise that we will never be mad at you again or say "I hate Mondays!" again, but use this list for those times that you don't feel appreciated and know that you are loved.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Here is another one from Mama's Boy:
I set up a candidate in Florida for an interview in Texas. I arranged the travel for the interview and everything was all set. I received a call at about 3:30pm on the day before her interview was taking place. She called to tell me that her flight had been delayed a little over 1 hour and she thought it might be a good idea if she cancelled the interview and rescheduled it for another time. I was caught off guard and told her that there shouldn't be any problems, because she would still arrive at the hotel the night before and would have plenty of time to rest up before the interview in the morning. I then find out that the reason she wanted to cancel is, because her flight would be landing after the sun goes down and she has never driven a car in the dark before so she was afraid to drive from the hotel to the airport.
The oddest thing about Milton is that when he goes to the loo. He brings a little radio, can of spray with him. As soon as he walks in he starts to spray and then walks into the large handicapped stall. Where he turns on the radio and then proceeds to take his shoes off (usually boots) and then his pants come off. Once he is on the loo some singing may occur or some words of encouragement to himself on getting the job done may happen. If there is no spray, he will use his cologne to try and coat the room and then do it again once he is done.
I am not sure if the oddest part is the music and occasional speaking or the fact that he takes his shoes and pants completely off. Either way glad to see Milton feels at home in the stall!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
When a member of our team leave the company or transfers to somewhere else in the company. Our fearless leader has all sit around our conference room table and pay our respects to the person leaving. It becomes a Eulogy/Wake when someone passes away. Some people cry and some don't know how to handle it and are uncomfortable. You will hear comments like: "you are a good hard worker and you will be missed"; "I will miss you"; "It was nice knowing you"; "Best of luck to you and hope to cross paths again"; I think its great that we say good bye to the person in an open forum together and acknowledge it, but to go around the room and have each person say something is a little much.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Got this from my cubemate; Mama's Boy
I had a candidate who lives in Virginia who was set up for an interview in Pennsylvania. When it was time to fly out for the interview the weather was not cooperating. He flew from Virginia to North Carolina, but his connecting flight from North Carolina to Pennsylvania was cancelled. He decided to take a taxi to the nearest train station. From there he jumped on a train and traveled through the night to Pennsylvania. When he arrived in Pennsylvania he rented a car and drove to where the interview was taking place. He stated that he would have done anything to make the interview, because he was really looking forward to working on that program. Long story short he made the interview on time after taking every form of transportation possible. I extended the offer to him and 4 days later he DECLINED it.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Ok so just needed to vent a little. So working for a company with over 100K employees you would think that we would not have situations where a majority of the corporations email does not go down for over 5 hours.
Yes 5 hours and we are a technology company ( Mifflintech Enterprises). What a waste of the day. Just hoping for an email to come or go out for that matter. At first I thought it was a slow day and then I realized- I am not even getting the spam emails that some how come in. On how I can get a larger penis or act now and buy some medication!
Totally shocks me.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
You got to love the people that call you and hang up and don't leave a voicemail message for you. Those same people will then tell you - "I called you but you were never there or you never called me back"- How am I suppose to know you called- you never let me know you called- Leave a message!!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
I had a guy I was hiring that told me his work and home email address were monitored and his phone was recorded at work. He told me "they are like big brother and watch us". His company paid for the internet and installed some sort of tracking to the home Outlook email since they paid for it. Talk about living in fear. His wife would call me to discuss things and she was the middle person during the whole hiring process. He used a web based email address to get his information. The poor guy lived in fear and was beat down from it- they were just miserable- needless to say they accepted the job on the spot and could not wait to start.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Hi this is Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. I have been quiet up to this point, but something has really annoyed me lately. I transferred within my company performing and now in addition to selling high end, but affordable appliances, I was now involved HR/staffing duties for our small operation in Scranton, PA. What I wasn't informed of during the interview process was that my new co-workers email each other about each and every little thing they do. Most of my team members work remotely and I am actually the only one on my team that works in my office, but we're all on a distribution list. Email communication is great and all, but when you start emailing people to tell them you're on a particular website, taking a 5 min break, you just signed online, it gets a bit old when you have several people on the team. The worst of all is when a position has been filled. You'd think that the lead won the lottery! An email comes across through the list from the lead saying...."position 12345 is filled by candidate xyz." Next thing I know I've got 30 emails from different people all saying essentially the same thing...."You go girl!" "When you're hot, you're hot" "Awesome, great job!" "You guys rock, I love working on this team" and the best/worst of all that I've seen is "Whoop, there it is" I don't have a problem with recognition, but c'mon, send them to the person directly instead of flooding our inboxes with the same. I have better things to do than have to hit the delete key 8000 times because we filled a position. That's our job, it's not that big a deal since it happens everyday.
Will I have emails tomorrow saying "Great job, you showed up to work today, you rock!"? Perhaps.
I sneeze more in my cubicle then anywhere else. I sneeze everyday at least once. We use to keep track of our sneezes- since it was such a high amount- I went 35 sneezes in a month- I should go to the doctor- I think I'm allergic to work. That or my cube is dusty and gross. It could be a mix of both.
Monday, July 14, 2008
When you talk to so many people it reaches a point that you have no idea who is who and it becomes a total guessing game when you get voice mail messages like:
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Got this from Haywood:
“Listen Joe, I’ve told you people a million times that I don’t want to reduce my debt, I don’t want a Direct TV system and I don’t even have a loan so why would I refinance. Every time you call, I tell you to remove me from your marketing list, but yet it doesn’t stop. So listen to me carefully Joe. Remove me from your list, or next time I receive a call I’m going to fly to India or Pakistan and punch you right in the dot on your forehead.”
Hopefully this works, otherwise it will be an expensive flight.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
IN PRISON: You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.
AT WORK: You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.
IN PRISON: You get three meals a day.
AT WORK: You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON: You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK: You get more work for good behavior.
IN PRISON: The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK: You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
IN PRISON: You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK: You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON: You get your own toilet.
AT WORK: You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
IN PRISON: They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK: You aren’t even supposed to speak to your family.
IN PRISON: All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK: you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON: You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK: You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
IN PRISON: You must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK: They are called managers.
Written By: Sujan Pate
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Working in a large company like Mifflintech Enterprises we seem to have more Managers, Directors and VP then are really needed. There are some manager that are great and are very deserving of their position. However sometimes I think- How the heck did they get there job? How are they running a department? How are they making the money they are making. They cannot even run a meeting, yet alone make a decision.
Working in HR- people are always countering there offers. It is typical to counter your offer- however when you counter- you usually ask for more then what you really want, so when they give you less you are actually getting that you wanted or more. With that in mind- You would think if you are going to counter an offer would it be for just $1,000.00 more? I had a candidate being offered $73k and he emailed me asking for $74k instead. That is a 0.48 cent an hour increase. I can understand if that is for an hourly position. But when you are an engineer and you are countering - don't you think you at least try to ask for $75k and if you get it great and if they at least give you $74k its what you wanted. It cost us more then $0.48 cents between emails and phone calls just to increase it that much. Made me laugh since it was the quickest response back from a manager on counter ever- I sent it and I got a "Do it!" a minute later.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
We all catch a case of the creepies every once in a while. It can happen when someone hugs you a little too tight or too long or just too awkwardly. It can happen when you listen to some of Joe Simpson's comments on his daughters. Well it happened to me at work. I was 7-months preggers at the time. I met this shady potential employee to discuss salary, other job offers, etc...the norm for Sunny Cubicle. He proceeded to ask me repeated questions about the "Single-scene" in the area. Those single-scene questions were sprinkled with comments like "ya know, I know you don't go out clubbing right now with the baby and all but where could I meet some girls, hot girls." He then questioned me on how many women our company employed vs men? Because..."I need something to look at in the office to get me through the day. I mean, I know you're pregnant and all but you've got nice legs, I could look at those.." Can I get a Y-U-C-K? Definitely a case of the creepies!
Friday, June 27, 2008
I love whenever you tell someone or someone tells you that you are going to back up while they are out- "Hey I won't have anything for you to worry about" and then Murphy's Law hits!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Yahoo has an article about some Dutch statisticians have established that , a date regarded in many countries as inauspicious, is actually safer than an average Friday. Granted if you are working today then you not lucky!
Either way its Friday!!!!
So I finally get a vacation and decide to head out of the country for a while. The trip is amazing, better than I could have ever hoped for. On the way back in the US , I noticed something quite interesting in the US Customs office as I proceeded to my connecting flight. There was a picture of a parrot on the wall with the comment in quotes “Please don’t smuggle me, I may be sick”. I understand the whole scare, but come on, who is going to really be stupid enough to smuggle a parrot on an international flight. And how would you even complete this craziness. Do you stuff the bird in your checked baggage? We all know that checked baggage gets tossed around, stacked and many times crushed. That’s a sure fire way to end up with bird guts all over your underwear. Do you bring the bird in your carry on luggage? Yeah, like no one’s going to notice that your luggage is talking. The funniest thing about it, is that if they actually had to post that sign, there was actually someone dumb enough to try it. The sad part about it, is that it was probably the person sitting in the cube next to you. Maybe the bird told them to do it.